WE CAN MAKE MARRIAGE SUCCESSFUL

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Marriage is a contract and its success is mainly based on mutual trust. While marriage is a happy event, as it unites two hearts and two families, its failure affects all of them and worst of all, the children born out of this marriage. While friends and relatives are invited at the time of marriage with lot of pomp and show, but no such function for annulment of marriage has been heard by us. It speaks clearly that the latter event is not welcome. As clapping requires two hands, success in marriage needs cooperation from both sides. There are several methods of marriage, but the two most prevalent are arranged and love marriages. Generally arranged marriages are performed after lot of effort, discussion, checking, verification, comparison, matching of standards of two families (and in India also matching the horoscopes of both persons) but in love marriages it may not happen so.

Generally the initial years of married life are good, in spite of difficulties of any type. Even if the resources are inadequate, the couple makes adjustments within the available means. But later on, the things may take an ugly shape. One important point is the joint family or nuclear family system, being followed in the individual case. There are  positive & negative points for both systems, from the points of view of security, independent living, help in times of need, differences in utilization of money of all members, availability of residential accommodation & practical considerations. Differences could be of various types, but if these are not tolerated by the persons, these could lead to failure, break-up, separation & divorce. Once having accepted each other as husband & wife, in as is condition, such differences should not matter, but unfortunately these do matter. One of the major reasons is incompatibility of the two persons Very high level differences in levels & types of education, wealth or status may be able to cross the initial hurdles during love marriage but in the long run there may be problems. With clash of egos of the two persons & no willingness to make adjustment, there are problems, quarrels, silence, hatred and disaster.

 Birth of a child is said to cement the relationships of husband and wife and other family members. But when as a result of the wedlock, a child is not born, there may be serious problems likely to cause break-ups. But for this purpose, services of modern medical science can be effectively utilized for controlling and spacing birth of children, investigating, taking remedial actions for treatment of husband or wife or both. But sometimes in spite of children, (or in absence of children) poor management of relationship may result in lack of trust, respect and love between the husband and wife, leading to open criticism, pulling of legs and hatred between the two. Such cases cause maximum suffering to the children. These may also cause poor health of both the persons and in some cases, also extra-marital relationships, either in case of husband or wife or both, wherein  they seek comfort somewhere else. It more or less means that marriage is over and dissolution in the form of separation or divorce is not far away. Both the persons should get alerted and reconciled in time and not get estranged. They should forget and forgive each other and start a new and happy life, if required, with the help and guidance of elderly persons and/or marriage counselors at appropriate time. Reconciliation must be tried in all sincerity, by all concerned, but if it is not possible at all, legal separation should be done peacefully with no hurt feelings, with the husband and wife continuing to be friends still, even after legal separation.

 

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About vijaiksharma

OVERALL BRIEF PROFILE: An engineer cum management professional from Jaipur, India. Has been active as freelance writer, reviewer, trainer, examiner and translator. Has interests in Management, Quality, Meditation and Yoga. Has jointly written 6 books, besides about 185 articles, book-reviews, case studies, interviews and translations etc. published in foreign in Indian publications & 24 radio talks broad cast on All India Radio. A book-reviewer, an abstract writer and one of the “Writers of the month” for Jan 2007 on www.shvoong.com. Has won President of India award in 1968, Fellowship award in 1992 and H K Firodia award in 1996, Colvin Medal in 1957, besides other appreciation letters. Has been abroad 6 times to USA, Europe, Bulgaria and Egypt. Also writes blogs with following links www.vijaiksharmaspeaks.blogspot.in, www.vijaiksharma.webs.com, www.sthavir.blogspot.in,

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