Tag Archives: decisions

Consultations with the parents & teachers


Normally it is considered that the children are less experienced and therefore they should be generally guided by their parents and/or teachers. The advice, discipline and control must be in the hands of the parents and the teachers, because amongst their well-wishers, they are placed the highest & they are in a position to identify their inclinations, attitudes and monitor their progress. But it appears that the children want to have their activities as per the advice of their friends or as per their own wish. Parents may generally frame a tentative time schedule for their children but in many cases, they are unable to enforce it. The children may not complete the homework till they are coaxed late in the night. With lot of difficulty they are able to rush for the school bus for going to the school on week days. Sometimes they may even be late in reaching the school bus in the morning hours. They are usually awake late in the nights watching TV shows, movies & get up very late in the mornings esp. on the week-ends. Their breakfast time on the week-ends may be around 10-11 AM and thus all schedules get disturbed. But the children may not realize this in time.
Some parents may want their young child to attend classes for learning some hobby, music, some indoor or outdoor games & sports etc. The child may not want to go to any or some of these classes. But the parents might have already paid the fees & they may be in a dilemma. Perforce they force the child to go the class, drop him there as well as collect him from there on the days of the class. Sometimes the children may even create a scene in front of the teacher also.
Friends are after all friends. In the teen age level, they may even mislead the children just for fun, without bad intentions, or even with bad intentions. There are some persons, who depend on their friends, for their important decisions in life. It is felt that the views about any matter will also not be same with all friends. In such situations it will be difficult to take a decision. Hence views of the friends may be taken note of and considered along with the views of the parents, teachers & others & final decision should be taken considering all relevant points. Sometimes the children do not inform the parents properly about the problems faced, do not consult them and do not apprise them of the reasons of their decisions. Sometimes they get into confusion and do not take decisions in time, leading to anxiety and tension both for themselves and the parents. Last minute decisions are not always the best, as they appear to have been taken in hurry under duress, so as to respond within the deadlines given for this purpose. If two or three experienced and concerned persons put their heads together, carry out proper analysis, the resultant solution of the problem will definitely be better.
All children are not equal in talents, qualities, mannerisms, the financial condition of their parents, relationships in the family etc. If there is physical harassment, fighting, beating, biased treatment of the children in the same family, bullying in the class, lack of discipline, things are not going to be in order. These sometimes may make the student, not attend the school. The teachers should lay stress on development of the children individually, also giving stress on relationships with teachers & between the children themselves. Students should be able to discuss with their teachers, without fear, any of their problems for their solutions. It is a fact that all parents love their children very much, but making their overall life better, by making use of their experience, is also their responsibility.

Tags: advice,attitudes,learning,decisions,confusion,analysis,development, relationships





               Whether at work, at home or elsewhere, both men & women are affected by stress & the difference may be of degree only. An international authority has defined stress as non-specific response of the body to any demand. Though its occurrence is normal, stress may be pleasant (called Eustress) or unpleasant (called Distress), & the agent causing it is called stressor. Even though stress is known for its negative effects on the body (physiological stress) & mind (psychological or mental or emotional stress), researchers have observed that some amount of stress is necessary for everyone, for efficient functioning & it has negative effects, only when, it crosses some threshold value. We should learn about stress causing factors, identify the dominant factors & learn to control & cope with the stress.

            Discussing Physiological stress, in all mammals, including human beings, Hypothalamus at the  base of the brain, becomes activated under stress, which stimulates pituitary glands to release hormones, which in turn, activate adrenal glands above kidneys to produce other hormones, which have wide ranging effects on body mechanism—some activities of body are increased, while others are decreased. Muscles might ache. Pain may result from slow mobilization of lactic acid. Liver may discharge sugar into the blood to provide muscles with excess amount of energy. It might also release excess amount of Cholesterol. Skin may become pale & sweat may increase, to cool down the overheated body system. Pupils may dilate. Salivary glands may stop secretion, producing dryness in mouth. Rate of breathing & heart beat may increase; both resulting in increased B.P. Kidneys may work less efficiently. Digestion may be impaired. Defecation & urination may be prevented. Alternatively, diarrhea & uncontrolled urination may occur. Immune system may get impaired, making one susceptible to disease(s) or allergy. If continued for long, stress may manifest in secondary symptoms like loss of sleep, headache, B. P., hyperactivity, excessive smoking & drinking, diminished interest in life & its enjoyments. Among the  mental(psychological/emotional) symptoms of stress, are obsessions & phobias, loss of self-confidence & self-esteem, feeling of guilt, fear-of-future, diminished concentration, requiring to rush to another  job before the one on hand is finished, constantly irritable, isolated, angry, bothering too much about trivialities, crying or feeling like crying too often, vagrant mind, inability to concentrate on any job for long.

         Out of the three mental/emotional causes of stress, the first one hypochondria is an abnormal anxiety, about or interest in one’s state of health. The hypochondriac has a sense of insecurity & he suffers from illness phobia. The next one is depression. Every one of us, sometime or the other may be depressed. But, it becomes a problem, when it gets out of proportion. It is considered normal to be deeply grieved on the death of the loved one, but in course of time one reconciles & should. It may be caused by external factors (called Exogenous depression), or it may seem to come from within the body (called Endogenous depression). The last one consists of phobias, obsessions & ruminations. A phobia is irrational fear, accepted by the sufferer as such, of an object or situation. Agoraphobia is fear of going out in the open. Obsessions are also the result of fear. A person with abnormal fear of dirt may be very complicated in his/her procedure, to maintain cleanliness. Ruminations involve anxiety-provoking thoughts without any action.

           Any change that affects the set pattern of life is likely to causes stress. Advanced technology has made life fast, with better quality & greater accuracy, along with pressure of population & resultant over-crowding-congestion & wider range of choices at all levels of living. More decisions have to be made every day by all of us, with higher degree of responsibility & accountability, better quality of communication & understanding etc. Mass transit due to political upheaval or daily routine commuting to work by road/railways/subs; do have their deleterious impact on tranquility of life. In the Jet-age, the higher-ups & executives have to cope with several time-zones & the body & mind both have to adapt to these frequent changes.

          Stress is however, necessary to stimulate each one of us. Without stress & the resulting challenge, one is apt to become dull & indifferent & may even lose the will to live the life to the fullest. But damaging stress occurs, when challenges become impossible to cope with. In this context, stress acts as a protective mechanism of the body. But, if continued for too long, it changes from fight mechanism, to fear & flight mechanism. Under prolonged stress, one may develop potentially harmful changes in behaviour, which in the ultimate; undermine both physical & mental health. Threshold, the cut-off point, when stress turns from Eustress to Distress, is rather subtle and as such difficult to recognize on one’s own, unless one is watchful & careful constantly. But this itself, if practised too far, may lead to stress. However, stress thresholds may vary from person to person & for the same person, from situation to situation. One may be bothered by one’s boss, to the extent where one suffers continuously. Sometimes people say, under stress from their relationships, about getting ulcer or pain in the neck, which sometimes actually does happen. Chronic exposure to stressful situations over long periods may cause serious diseases like heart accidents & mental breakdowns etc., thus shortening the span of life. Aging is nothing but, the sum total of the scars left by the stress of life. These scars can be chemical or mental & cause irreparable damage to the personality as a whole.

              Dr. H. Holmes, Professor Psychiatry, at the University of Washington, USA had devised a scale assigning point values to changes, good or bad, that often affect us all. A danger point reaches when enough changes occur during one year to add up to 300. In one of his studies, it was found that 80% of those who exceeded 300 became seriously depressed or suffered serious illnesses. Various common life changes have been given Holmes point values such as Death of spouse-100, Divorce-73, Marital Separation-65, Jail term or Death of close family member-63, Personal injury/Illness-53, Marriage-50, Fired from job-47, Marital Reconciliation or Retirement-45, Change in health of family member-44, Pregnancy-40, Sex difficulty-39, Change in financial set up-38, Death of close friend-37, Change in work load-36, Arguments with spouse-35, Mortgage or loan foreclosure-30, Change in work responsibility or child leaving home or trouble with in laws-29, Personal achievement-28, Wife beginning/stopping work or beginning/ending school-26, Revision of personal habits-24, Trouble with boss-23, Change in residence or school-20, Vacation-13, Minor violation of law-11.

             For managing stress, we should do, what we like to do & at our own rate. For many persons manner of living, manner of behaving in various situations, deciding whether to take over parental business or go in for service etc. may be matters causing stress. If we really want to be a musician, singer or a painter, then we should just be & set our own code of life. Hard work never kills anybody. In fact it is our attitude or approach towards work, which makes it hard or otherwise. We should learn to take interest in our work & regard it as our own. In course of time, we will begin to love our work. We should work to live & not live to work. For normal functioning, man needs work, as much as he needs air, food, sleep or social contacts. We should find the kind of work that suits us best. Unfortunately, work is seen as something that wears us down & this actually produces stress. Work wears us down through frustration or failure, resulting in stress that leaves some irreparable chemical scars (we may think of them as insoluble precipitates of living matter). The successful men are said to have worked hard throughout their life, but in fact they never worked but lived a life of leisure.

             One important strategy to cope up with stress is relaxation. For effectiveness, we should try to learn relaxation when we are fresh & alert & not when we are feeling tired. We should select a solitary & quiet place with presence of no other persons. We should not rush the clock of body rhythm. If we are not succeeding initially, we should  give up for a while, loosen any tight clothing, take off shoes, sit or lie as comfortably as possible, close the eyes, uncross the legs, rest our hands flat with palms upturned. Alternately, we should tense & relax each part of the body & take slow deep breath as we go along. The second strategy is reassessing, reorganizing & modifying our life style. For this purpose, we should first assess our own life style & identify works which we would like to do, use free time as per our liking & satisfaction, be in close contact with real friends but not with people who make us stressed, consider the requirement of sacrifices for doing as per our liking, do works which should be done by us or are liked by us, be happy with the job being done, live with right partner, like ourselves and our appearance, consider suitability of city life or country life, make life neither too busy nor less busy, observe the past best relations/activities, consider our dreams which can become reality.

               We should organize our life style by establishing priorities of all activities/tasks at home & in office, deciding the order of doing things & checking whether we have time or we need help of others, eliminating inessential activities &/or those that can be postponed, seeking other’s help without hesitation for complex or difficult works, refusing unreasonable demands & living our own self, evaluating self imposed demands also as to whether they are necessary/desirable, making a list of all the friends to whom we could turn now or when under stress. Since physical fitness is a must for becoming stress-free, wholesome & balanced diet at regular intervals is important, along with suitable exercise & adequate rest. Certain foods associated with stress should be avoided such as Caffeine (in Coffee & in many soft drinks) which causes nervousness & palpitation. Salt has been linked with high BP, Sugar with Heart diseases, smoking with tension, irritability, sleeplessness & cancer. Alcohol depletes Vitamins of group B, which are essential for reducing stress. Certain nutrients like Vitamin B, Minerals like Calcium (natural sedative), Magnesium (Nature’s tranquilizer) & Potassium (healthy heart) are expected to reduce stress. An element of Vitamin B, pantothenic acid, is especially important in preventing stress & strengthening immunity system. Calcium deficiency may cause fatigue, nervousness & tension. It is available in dairy products, eggs, almonds, soya beans etc. Magnesium deficiency leads to excitability, irritability, apprehension & emotional disorders. It is also necessary for absorption of both Calcium & Potassium. Potassium deficiencies are associated with breathlessness fatigue, insomnia & low B.P. Potassium is found in many vegetables, seeds, dates. Yoghurt is rich in Vitamin-A, D & B-Complex. It relieves insomnia, migraine & cramps. Rest & Recreation are also necessary, for healthy body & mind. Holidays & leisure should be planned regularly & enjoyed, away from the normal place of work. An executive should delegate duties to his colleagues & avoid the temptation of being the Superman. Retirement should also be planned well in time.

             We ourselves are the best judge to examine & identify the factors which are causing stress to us & the methods to effectively cope with the specific type(s) of stress, take action(s) where necessary & manage the stress in our life. This will result in controlling the effects of these factors, reducing their negative effects & thus leading to improvement in our effectiveness.


This blog has been presented and posted by Vijai K Sharma (in short Vijai), after being jointly compiled, as a result of discussions and deliberations between Abha (former Deputy Director of a voluntary organization in Mumbai), Vijai (former Additional G.M. in a large industrial organization) and Prakash (former Ford Foundation Fellow and Smith-Mundt/Fulbright Scholar and former Professor of Econometrics in several Universities including California University, Berkeley).







In the field of management, many decisions are to be taken at short notice, even though they may have far reaching effects subsequently. As a matter of fact, the decisions should be based on data, reports, results of surveys and logical analysis thereof. There are some mathematical/statistical techniques available. Some top management personnel make use of these techniques. But still many use their intuition. Based on his experience, the top person has a feeling about the whole problem and its consequences, which helps him to take a decision, either way. This is a quick method for taking decisions and many persons prefer it. Some of the top persons may even get the decision corroborated by some sort of study for that problem, based on which they may allow earlier decision to continue or to even modify it. This saves lot of time for achieving progress. The success of taking such decision making is based on the confidence of the top management. The mind of the top management should be in a balanced and stable condition, so that even with multifarious, difficult and varying situations, the scenario can be visualized rightly. No doubt there is uncertainty associated with intuition. For that matter, uncertainty in some manner is always associated with many things and events. If we are free of stress or at least having reduced stresses, we are more likely to see the correct path and our decisions are likely to be right in the long run. Best way is logical analysis. The latter sometimes causes diversion due to information overload. A combination of the two is the next best solution. If accuracy of past decisions, based on intuition is good, it is advisable to go ahead similarly and in the bargain, continue to build up the confidence to help in taking decisions in future, in similar or newer situations.








It was by good luck that I got an opportunity to get a job at Shimla in Himachal Pradesh in the beginning of my career. It is a beautiful hill station. I lived there for about two years. Our rented accommodation was on the slopes of Jakoo Hills. We had to go up and down the slopes of the hill every day, more than once. One of the attractions there was the temple on Jakoo Hills. Being a bachelor at that time, we had to come to the Mall daily in the evenings and walk on this famous road in Shimla and enjoy the weather and the tourists in the summer months. We also enjoyed roller skating, The Ridge, Horse riding, the Church and several markets in this hill station. We also went to Kufri slopes for skiing down, during the cold winter season. Winters are very cold, as we cannot get sleep even with a quilt, unless we keep a hot water bottle in between the mattress and the quilt. The water pipes get frozen and may even burst, causing lot of problems.  We have to face the falling snow, use heavy gum boots to walk on accumulated snow on the road and the slopes. Also there are chances of slipping, falling and getting injured. But we do make balls of soft snow and play and enjoy with others by throwing on them. The offices were also heated for ease and comfort of working during the severe cold weather. Amongst other good decisions, I also took a decision to join the ice-skating rink there. I arranged the skates and learnt skating on ice. The surface for this purpose was artificially prepared. I enjoyed this sport very much along with my other friends. Although I had several falls during the learning period, but fortunately nothing serious happened. After having learnt skating, it was a pleasure and I used to look forward to it. Sometimes skating was on or closed due to bad weather or some other reason, the signal was given through a large size balloon being floated in the sky, which could be seen in almost all areas of the city. There were some expert skaters, who used to practice, provide thrills and also entertain the crowd. Soon there was a fancy dress competition in the rink with skates on. I put on the clothes of a compounder and one of my friends put on the dress of a Doctor and soon we managed a dummy patient and a stretcher. Of course there were several other participants in different dresses. But all said and done, we continued enjoying ice skating till I left Shimla for better prospects, but with an unforgettable experience. In the intervening years, I understand that the ice skating rink has been much improved and modified, though I am yet to see it. Sometimes I have an inherent desire to see myself skating on ice again, in Shimla or elsewhere. Although I got an unusual opportunity to enjoy ice skating during my visit to Berlin, but for some reasons, I could not avail of this opportunity, about which I feel even till today.




 In any organization, normally there are several meetings organized for various objectives. It is another point whether it is a productive and creative use of the time for achievements. The senior and junior officers conduct and /or participate in these meetings. There are meetings organized in hotels, over working lunches and working dinners, where lunch and dinner are probably more important than working. In the meeting, the boss will prove that he is the boss. But arranging meetings has a positive side also. These keep us busy and engaged, since an empty mind is a devil’s workshop. In spite of having participated in many meetings and also conducted several meetings, I do not consider them to be so much useful. While the objective is understood to be communication and participative discussion for decision making, it is far from it. The meetings are sometimes not focused, not properly directed and very lengthy. I had participated in meetings conducted over 12 hours, of course with breaks in between. Many times the participants of such meetings feel miserable for loss of valuable time. It has been observed that some persons are inattentive (or may even sleep for a while), speak very little or do not make positive contribution to the meetings. This could be due to inadequate and unsatisfactory preparation or home work for the points required for the meeting. Many bosses have a meeting mania for various reasons like communication of the decisions already taken, shouting at and humiliating some person(s) in front of others and their ego satisfaction etc. Sometimes people do not reach in the meeting in time and the late comers do not express sorry even. If a subordinate is having connections with the higher ups, he may make life miserable for his boss even. Sometimes they may make fun of such meetings and find ways and means to avoid them. Time is money .Therefore   we should not be a party to waste of precious time of the employees of the organization. Short meetings are desirable.  The number of persons required to participate in the meetings should be kept to the minimum required number. The objectives and topics of the meeting should be clear and known to all the participants in advance like exchange or sharing of general information and avoiding gaps, expected points/decisions, willingness to listen to employee’s points, clarity of communication of a decision or evolving of a decision etc. If senior and junior level meetings are conducted separately, there is likely to be lesser loss of time. But at the same time the employees should prepare their points in advance and present them properly giving adequate reasons, so as to clinch the points. In the meeting, if it has been decided to take some actions, the persons who should initiate them should also be decided and minutes of the meeting issued thereafter early. After the meeting is over, its outcome should be evaluated whether the objectives for calling the meeting have been achieved. In any case, in all these matters, everyone should ultimately consider only the betterment of the organization, as the guiding factor.